Hi everyone! Today I want to talk about 5 mindsets that changed (and are still changing) my life for the better. But before I get into it, I want to explain that when it comes to changing a mindset, it is not as easy as reading about it and suddenly your mindset is changed.
There are many levels of understanding something, and changing a mindset is not only about understanding it on an intellectual level, but a matter of understanding first, when in our lives we have been operating under a different mindset, and how changing perspective could have made the situation much better.
So, I could be writing about these mindsets and how they are helping me forever, but they will only TRULY make sense to you by fully analysing your current mindset, see if it serves you well or not and if you would benefit from changing it, and then practically applying it into your life.
Practically applying them into your life it’s a whole journey on itself. Because, like I said before, simply understanding or becoming aware of something is not enough. When faced with certain situations, our minds will always gravitate to the same ways of thinking that it has before. So, changing mindsets is like rewiring your brain, and you need to catch yourself every time you’re walking the old path and redirect yourself to the path you actually want to walk.
Now that I have explained that, here are the 5 mindsets that changed my life:
It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you
This mindset could also be well explained by this quote: “Life is either kissing you with love or teaching you with pain”. And the response to either love or pain is ALWAYS gratitude.
When things don’t go our way, tt’s is very easy for us to think that bad things are happening to us and enter a victim mentality! We think “I’m a good person, why is this happening to me?? I don’t deserve this!”. But the ugly truth is that most of the time, we were the ones putting ourselves in the situations that hurt us. If we knew better, we wouldn’t! So, there is definitely something to learn there.
A lot of people can find patterns in their lives…some examples are always falling in love for emotionally unavailable people, or always facing the same issues with friends or family, starting things but never finishing them, the list is endless! And when we realise these patterns, our tendency is to blame circumstances or other people, but really, we should be looking inside. The truth is that if we were learning our lessons we wouldn’t keep finding ourselves in the same situations.
So now, every time something doesn’t go my way, hurts me or frustrates me, I do my best to stop and ask myself: What is this teaching me? What is it inside myself that needs to be changed to make sure I’m never in this place again?
Life is not happening to you, it’s happening for you! First of all, you have the power to decide where you want to be and what to allow into your life, and if at some point life gets difficult, look at it as an opportunity to learn and develop.
No one ever grows from comfort, we grow from adversity! And adversity helps us shape ourselves and curate what we want or don’t want to be a part of our lives, so we can move forward in a more fulfilling way.
As I briefly mentioned in the previous mindset, gratitude is always the answer.
Creating a practice of gratitude can change your life in so many ways! I personally like to do it during meditation by simply listing in my mind all of the things in my life I am grateful for. But gratitude can be practised at any time!
For me, doing this in the morning is very powerful because it sets the tone for the day. Thinking about all the amazing things and people in my life completely changes my mood and makes the rest of my day go smoother.
But the tricky part about practising gratitude is to not forget about it when things are bad, and remember to be grateful even for those!
The reason why we should be grateful for this is exactly all the I have written in the previous mindset. When you realise that adversity is really just a lesson and an opportunity to transcend, you become grateful for it.
We think we like our comfort zones, but growth is so much more fulfilling, we just need to be willing to go through some tough stuff to get there.
And this is how gratitude has changed my life. Not only by lightning up my mood every day but changing my perspective on all life challenges.
Rejection is Redirection
I have mentioned this in a previous post – Lessons from 2019 – and I even provide an example of how this played out in my life.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, there are many levels to understanding something, and this is probably the one mindset that it is still slowly sinking into my consciousness.
It’s hard not to take rejection personally, whether is in personal relationships, career or life in general. Rejection wounds our ego! But actually, the ego isn’t really us, and rejection is not really about us not being worthy or enough!
So, it has really been helping me to look at rejection as redirection. Whatever path I perceive to be rejecting me, is actually just not my path! And by being “rejected” I’m only being aligned with the path that is meant for me 🙂
Love yourself first
I have also written a post about self-love – The real meaning of self-love + 10 ways to practise self-love every day.
But the main message I want to share today is that self-love isn’t selfish. Loving your self-first puts you in a position to be able to share the love with others. When you don’t love yourself first, you struggle to see your worth, to take care of yourself, and even to see how you can help someone or add value to someone’s life.
Self-love is simple the most important thing to work on if you want to have a fulfilling happy life! When we love ourselves, we stop looking for external validation, and we stop relying on others to tell us who we are or what we deserve.
Remember: you know who you are and that is enough! Everything else is a shiny delicious cherry on top of the cake that is your life J But if you don’t make your own cake (meaning you don’t build yourself up through self-love) the cherry is just pointless.
This is another one that can be hard to swallow…especially when someone has hurt us, betrayed us or simply didn’t see our value.
But forgiveness is an act of kindness to yourself, not to the other person. When we don’t forgive and hold on to resentment and anger we are poisoning our own life, our own mind and soul. Resentment is a weight you do not deserve to carry!
When you let go and forgive you are setting yourself free, that person or situation no longer defines you or conditions the way you experience life anymore.
Another quote I love is: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. And it couldn’t be more true!
This hard though, some people and situations can really trigger us! But just like the other mindsets I have written about today, it’s a matter of keep catching and reminding ourselves, until it becomes natural.
The same goes for resentment towards ourselves. Sometimes we do things or react in certain ways that we regret after. Sometimes we realise we were the toxic ones and we were the ones to cause pain on others.
Coming to this realisation can be a heavy burden to carry, but it can also be extremely transformative. But in order to transform and become better people we need to learn how to forgive ourselves, and then let go of that older version of ours.
I have a video about the Ho’ponopono, which is an ancient Hawaiian technique for forgiveness and emotional healing. If you want to watch it click here.
So, these were the 5 mindsets that changed my life! I really hope you enjoyed this post and please share your own experiences and mindsets that changed your life 🙂
Other posts you might like to read:
Lessons from 2019
The real meaning of self-love + 10 ways to practise self-love every day
How to live your best life – regardless of your circumstances
Ho’oponopono – Ancient Hawaiian technique for forgiveness & emotional healing